I’m tired.
I’m tired of Covid -19.
I’m tired of the lock downs and house arrests and freaking “social
distancing”. I’m tired of listening to
our idiotic governor every day on the TV. I’m tired of hearing a make – believe “woman”
lecture me, spouting non – sense numbers of “new” cases (tested, probably, OR
likely – say what?), knowing damned well the numbers are wholly fabricated. I’m tired of the useless scum in Washington
DC playing politics with our lives and livelihoods while blow-viating about how
much they care about every precious life!
Except those thousands of lives destroyed daily in baby
murdering abortions, don’t you know?
I’m tired.
I’m tired of people glaring at me when I am out in public
without a mask. I’m tired of everybody thinking they know everything about this
virus when no one knows squat about it.
I’m tired of supercilious, sanctimonious doctors demanding masks in
their offices when they know damn well that any mask is ineffective. Or, they should know that masks won’t stop a
virus – but then again, maybe doctors are not the wizards of smart that we want
them to be.
I’m tired of the damn wizards of smart that want to tell the
rest of us how we must live our lives.
I’m tired of political hacks saying who can work and who can not
work. I’m tired of not being with
friends and neighbors at our local gathering spots. I’m tired of being told that we can’t stand
together, or hug, or shake hands. These
aren’t just cultural norms; these are deeply ingrained parts of our
humanity. We are herd animals; we crave
proximity and contact; part and parcel of being human. We can no more survive without proximity,
gathering, and touching than we can without air or water. I’m tired of reading about increasing
suicides every day as people begin to die from this government-imposed
isolation.
I’m tired of hearing “the new normal”, “safer at home”, and
“we’re all in this together.” I’m tired
of politicians pretending that they are “saving the country” when all they are doing
is destroying lives and families, jobs, businesses and careers. I’m tired of the talking heads on TV gleefully
reporting fraudulent death counts and unemployment numbers convinced that
America will blame President Trump. I’m tired of hearing that people are
reporting opened businesses and gatherings to the cops like they did in the old
Soviet Union and East Germany.
I’m tired.
I don’t want to think about the lock-down, house arrest,
masks and crap anymore. I don’t want to think about closed churches, silent
schools and empty factories. I don’t
want to think about old folks alone in their places being kept from their loved
ones. I don’t want to think about people losing their businesses. I don’t want
to think about Americans fighting Americans in the streets. I don't want to think about civil disobedience and armed insurrection. I don’t want to
think about these things at all.
I want to think about spring crops, calves running through
the grass, and building fence. I want to
think about road trips and morning sunlight on dewy grass. I want to think about little spotted fawns
taking their first, tentative steps into the morning of their worlds.
I’m tired of every time I try to write the damn virus takes
over my thinking. I don’t want to write
about government stupidity. I don’t want to write about our liberties being
taken. I don’t want to write about civil disobedience and armed insurrection. I want to write about the bear I saw running
through the hay field this morning. I want to write about hummingbirds and
memories of the shady lawn of a hilltop childhood.
Depression builds on sadness. There is no joy in words now. They are dark, lonely, sad, and tinged with
rage. A faded echo of Joan Baez’s spectral
voice haunting me down over the years, “Heartache and sorrow and sadness
unendingly find, Wings on a memory and with them she
flies to my mind . . .” “Wings on
a memory” of a time when we were much freer; a time when the words flowed easy
and there was joy in sharing them.
Someday, maybe, sanity will return and there will be joy in
sharing the words again.
